The Raw Truth of Pain & Letting Go

As a society, we run from pain of 'loss'.  We numb ourselves with whatever is in our arsenal. We peak into our toolbox of band aids whether that be alcohol, drugs, medications, food, denial, psychological games or the art of staying so 'busy' that we don't 'feel'.  Pain takes us down otherwise so we 'face off' against it.  And I am here to bring some raw truth.  And that is that we have it backwards as a society...yet again.

So many are baffled and even bewildered by ever seeing the raw truths - raw emotions - raw processes that come along with grief - pain - loss - letting go.  We often don't want to be there for the struggle, only the triumphant ending.  Because the struggle is tough stuff man.  The struggle is messy. The struggle makes us wince. Who wants to wrestle with truths they don't want to face. 

When you see someone in emotional pain, we want to stop it for them.  Right? We don't want them to feel that way.  We don't want them to hurt like that.  And yet, they are hurting.  Somewhere along the way, we have a societal learned reaction to 'avoid pain with ANYTHING - just get rid of it'.  I am shaking my head.

Let me share with you that our society is one gigantic twisted ball of sad irony.  Because all of that pain people are stuffing somewhere deep within & masking, ends up causing wild- long term -unrelenting suffering.  And here sweeps in the ugly irony.....the pain everyone chooses to avoid, is now causing a firestorm of....drum roll....more pain.  Pain on pain on pain.....on pain.  And people wonder 'What has become of me'?

The pain that was 'avoided' actually settles into our bodies & souls.  And that pain spreads.......planting a variety of seeds.....bitterness, resentment, anger, sadness, despair, regret, fear, guilt, etc. 

So, I recommend that pain be dealt with head on - walking right into it - swimming around in the uncomfortableness of it all  - walking along with it hand and hand- one excruciatingly aching step at a time.  And only then are we truly free. 

I recommend that 'pain' be respected just as joy is.  I recommend that pain be accepted.....both our own and others pain.  When someone is in pain, accept that they are. And when you are, my God, honor yourself by feeling it.  Pain deserves to be felt.

Easier said then done.  I know.  I really do know. I also know the following.....

I am a believe in God.  And if you are not, please don't disregard the remainder of the article of which I will include Him.  Insert your own belief system because this blog is for all of us.

Time does not heal pain. I believe that's a misguided myth. You may think it gets easier but, the pain is just manifesting differently over time. The only healer of pain is God.  I am 100% sure.   And I don't know how He does it but He does heal our pain (amongst everything else).  He is intentionally adoring of us at all times and heals each of our hearts in a unique way befitting to our individualism. He knows us. He knows how to get us through it. We just need to ask Him to, trust that He will and stay close to Him. 

The only way that I personally know how to get to the other side of pain is to cry out to God for help.  And surround myself with loving community while God leads me each day.  The process can be slow.  The process can be horrendously devastating as pain is a train wreck crashing into our hearts (sometimes multiple times a day when we are truly grieving).  Pain is LOUD. Pain ROARS.  Pain DEMANDS attention. Again - worth repeating - it desires to be felt.  As it should.  We just don't need to be so darn scared to feel it. 

What do we need to do? We need to do what is hard and feels to most, impossible.  We need to befriend our pain.

We tend to forget the absolute utter beauty in pain. No one really talks about THAT.  We forget the possibility that pain brings into our lives.  And we forget the opportunities that pain is there to teach us.  Don't miss out on any of the above as pain is in your life to teach you a whole lot of what you need to learn so you can soar.  Pain is 'the tipping point'.  And you get to decide exactly which way you are going to tip.

When people gather their courage and use their pain to learn - grow - transform - love others - love themselves - show up a better version of themselves no matter how long it takes to change course? These are the people whose hearts are being made new by God.  These are the people whose lives are changing. And these are the people who evolve as human beings. 

I don't know about you but there is only one route for me personally and that is to evolve. Any other choice is a route that doesn't lead to love.  And we all want to love and be loved.  All of us. 

Through the years, I have avoided pain.  And I am at a place that I just cannot do that anymore.  I have no desire to.  My desire is to stand at the edge of my comfort zone and jump into my own brokenness - with God.  And swim through it all - including the pain - until I get to the other side.  And I am coming out 'new'. 

And you guys (and gals), that was God's plan all along.  And that's the raw truth.