Scary Close by Donald Miller

Sometimes the people, perspectives & moments in life that lead me to actual transformation also leave me the most tongue tied.  I often struggle to put what is happening in my heart and mind, into actual words. And maybe I don't need to find the words all of the time rather, I can just let my life speak for itself

As a Writer & a Blogger though, I do need to make some sense out of what I want to share....haha.  So, I will try my best. 

The book - Scary Close - by Donald Miller is a catalyst for a complete shift in my life.  And not just a slight shift but an all out 'leap' into a healthier direction that is growing my faith in Him.

When I say 'leap', I mean, I am showing up in my life completely differently......after a ton of hard work and mentor-ship by those I feel most safe with.

The process of growth has been both exhausting & gratifying. It's been such deeply hard work........life altering really.

I was introduced to Donald Miller by someone special in my life.  And he recommended that I watch a video of Donald's at the beginning of this year.  And I watched.  It made an impact on me 'in the moment' but then I went right back to my daily life not giving the video or Donald Miller another thought. 

My ex-boyfriend believed that Donald Miller was 'changing the face of Christianity'.  Powerful statement.  It still wasn't enough for me to explore Donald Miller's teaching further.

It wasn't until about 4 months ago, that I was just reflecting on life - praying to God - and contemplating where God was leading me next that several people started mentioning Donald Miller to me....again.  And a dear friend referred me to Donald Miller's book, Scary Close. 

Scary Close is about Donald Miller having said 'enough' of failed relationships, 'enough' of trying to impress people and 'enough' of the life he was once building that wasn't enough at all.  Scary Close is about a man - after the age of 40 (which blew me away) - who radically changed his life........his inner life...... which translated into a completely different life entirely. 

Scary Close is about "the risk involved in choosing to impress fewer people and connect with more, about the freedom that comes when we stop acting and start loving:. It's a story about knocking down old walls to create a healthy mind, a strong family and a satisfying career {Excerpt from Scary Close}.

Scary Close is about surrounding yourself with 'safe people' and being a safe haven for these people as well. 

Before I read Scary Close, I was failing at my relationships with men.  I am single and every single relationship I have been in with a man has led to a break-up or divorce.  And while some can look at their 'break-ups' as 'meant to be' or stepping stones to 'the one'.  I stopped looking at my break-ups that way. Thank God.  And I started to dive into why I was choosing the partners I chose- my own unhealthy patterns - my healthiest patterns - and what I wanted out of relationships moving forward. 

And then I started to examine my friendships.  The friendships that I did not feel particularly safe in but kept in my life. And the friendships that were thriving.  The friendships where I was afraid to speak up. And the friendships that were toxic. And in examining all of these people, I was mostly examining myself.

Anddd then I looked back at the family I grew up with.  I talked through every single tough memory with people I feel safe with.  We talked about how I showed up in life as a child - how I was treated by others - and how I treated them back.

Through Donald Miller's story, various aspects of my own story began to make sense. I actually began to understand God better and what He wanted for me.

 I wanted a brand new story.  I wanted to radically change the way I was living. And I wanted to be in the healthiest relationships & community possible.  This would require massive change on my part. 

The healthier I get, the more blown away I am about how unhealthy some of my relationships were.......which means, taking responsibility for my own unhealthiness.  Humility is such a brave teacher.

I am also recognizing those that were so manipulative - those that would 'take' - those that have taken advantage of me entirely while I fed them my heart - those that projected themselves right onto me.  So, as much as I was realizing about myself through reading Scary Close, I was also seeing others through a very clear and healthy lens.....finally.  And rather then feeling prideful, I felt pain.  I felt pain that I allowed those people into my life - pain that I participated. I was seeing the people who would not admit when they were wrong - the self righteousness - the controllers - the utter bullies .  The ones who Donald Miller described in depth in Scary Close. 

And yes.....yes, I saw myself too. 


Donald Miller writes in Scary Close "What else changes a person but the living of a story? And what is a story but the wanting for something difficult and the willingness to work for it"? 

He also says "There's truth in the idea we're never going to be perfect in love but we can get close.  And the closer we get, the healthier we will be". 

If Donald Miller was reading my blog, I would tell him 'thank you' knowing that he might just understand how much heart was behind my gratitude.  I am grateful to Donald Miller for his own bravery and courage. I am grateful for him taking a step out from behind the curtain to expose his own vulnerability....to the world.  I am so impressed that at 40 years of age, he decided that he would embark on a journey that led him to the healthiest life, the healthiest marriage and the healthiest friendships.  And I am grateful that Scary Close influenced me enough to do the same.  No book other than The Bible has impacted me more deeply then Scary Close.  I've loved many - hundreds- of books but no, no other book served as a catalyst for me following through with change (the 'following through' part is the key).

I don't know too many people who actually 'change' but I know a lot of people who blame and point their fingers at the world.  Donald Miller looked inward and through massive amounts of humility and wise/safe counsel, radically changed every aspect of his life by understanding healthy love and then living it out.  

I feel rescued by God through Scary Close.  I finally have no desire to look back.....only forward.  Scary Close has taught me to move on into a life of healthy love & connection.