I have received so many requests to share a blog about being single. And I have thought long & hard as to what to write to all of you. I always read your emails (every single one) and do my best to cover topics that you want to hear about.
Let's talk about it....
I have been single for exactly one year this weekend. I made a conscious & deliberate choice to stay single for a year after my last relationship. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in respect to honoring God & myself. It has also been the best pivotal decision in respect to all of my relationships.
Do you know where the idea to take a year off originated from? Donald Miller & his book Scary Close. He intentionally took 6 months off from dating before meeting his wife, Betsey. And he explained why he did that in his book (which is fab - a must read). Thanks Don for your crazy fruitful wisdom (by crazy, I mean, fantastic).
I have spent so much time and effort 'healing' in life that I nearly missed the areas where I was already healed....and not walking in freedom.
I have spent the last year no longer focusing on mistakes (I tend to be unbelievably hard on myself) but, I have spent tremendous time realizing my worth in Christ this past year. I read The Bible more than I ever have. But this year, I didn't just read about who God thinks I am. Rather, I began to accept who He says I am . I began to understand my worth in Him fully - and honestly, everything continues to change.
Externally my life may look the same to others but, internally, I have a new life entirely. I do not think the same. I don't relate to others the same way. I do not observe others through the same lens. I will never date from a place that I was dating from again. And my choices in every area of life have been altered. And it's all due to who God says I am.
I will share this: If you are dating from a place of vast insecurity, fear or shame, you will attract that in another person. Every single one of those ole cliches is true. Let me tell ya. If you are emotionally unhealthy or dealing with some gaping wounds, you 100% will attract someone who is as well. On and on.
I relish being single. It has been a season of finding my authentic lifelong tribe. My friendships have deepened to a degree that I did not anticipate or plan for. My friends & I are family. And my friends are the best example of healthy & thriving people. I have read so much about the power of others in our life (The Power of The Other by Dr. Henry Cloud is incredible). It's definitely the best gift I've ever received from God (by far).
I removed myself from relationships that were not healthy. I stopped people pleasing and attempting to be dear friends with 20+ people. I was exhausted. It was all a process that was slow - often painful -startling in the best way - freeing and worth it. But that process has now ended in shocking growth. And this process is waiting for you too.
Healing doesn't have to go on and on and on. You can actually heal - grow - move on - and not look over your shoulder anymore.
I spent a tremendous amount of time nurturing myself and caring for that 'inner child'. I used to think the latter was too 'woo woo' for me but, listening to some friends experiences, I realized that loving that part of myself was crucial. And it proved to be a pretty radical loving experience.
I have spent hours (hours and hours) reading, engaging in healthy deep discussions, learning about various aspects of the world that I am passionate about, journaling, meditating, caring for others and welcoming others to care for me. Late night phone calls laughing hysterically with friends, hosting friends, sharing meals and praying a lot with those I love.
And something started to organically happen. I noticed I wasn't thinking about my ex anymore. I noticed I no longer longed for 'what was' yet I was grateful for it. I didn't feel guilty saying 'no' any longer. Friendships that weren't healthy for me, I approached them head on and respectfully ended them. I realized that social media was not serving the types of connections I wanted. I started spending a lot of 'face time' with those I love. I noticed that I felt fulfilled despite any obstacles swirling around me. I felt free from a lot of the chains that I had attached to my own self (various insecurities). And this is all because I am looking to God to fulfill me, not others or even myself. It doesn't mean life is perfect by any means. But it does mean my life is drastically different and by different, I mean healthy.
So my advice to any of you that are single is to embrace this season. It's such a meaningful and special time in our lives. Have FUN with it! Be spontaneous. Invite your girlfriends over for a sleepover (yes, in your 30's, 40's, 50's, +), go on weekend getaways, lay in bed eating pizza with your pets, etc. Travel wherever you want to..... if you can! Embrace every single activity that interests you (painting, photography, blogging, etc.). Dare to go deep with those you feel safe with. Talk to God all of the time. Enjoy this because this season is just that 'a season' for many of us.
I would also say to surrender to Him. This will be the best decision you have ever made in your life - it's the only thing I can promise you.
Allow yourself to grow. Realize that - with growth - comes massive uncertainty - discomfort - loss - new terrain - possibilities and CHANGE.
People forget that about growth.....that when you break out of those chains you confined yourself in (shame, insecurity, etc.), you have a vast amount of time freed up for new thought patterns and a new way of life. We almost forget that with change comes CHANGE - haha. And many aren't ready for that so they gravitate back to what was comfortable....even if what was comfortable was not the best for us. So, float around in the newness of it all. And you will eventually revel in it.
When you truly love yourself - I am talking true blue - authentic - unconditional Godly love, your entire life will change. The changes will start internally and then spill into all areas of your life. It can't 'not' change - it just will. And you will wonder why in the world, you didn't surrender sooner. You will finally be free and life will be as it should be.
When you date from THIS place - the place when you believe who God says you are? I bet you meet the true intended love of your life! And all of that pruning God did will finally make so much sense.
Created and curated by Kelly, Snapshots of Wellness encourages all of you to cultivate your 'joie de vivre': Compassion for Animals via food, style & lifestyle.