Loving myself thin.

After a health crisis, I had gained about 42 pounds.  And as I got well, I struggled to lose the weight.  I have found a path to weight loss that is so easy and makes so much sense.  This path required no directive from any person, book, doctor, etc.  It was just a path of finally truly loving myself and the Lord... like never before.  And as a result, the weight started to come off naturally and with complete ease.

I realized that my body is a temple of Jesus Christ & the Holy Spirit ( 1 Corinthians 6:19) and in really understanding this, my entire soul transformed.  I read in the Bible repeatedly that He resides in me but I didn't own this truth.  It's a bit of a hard concept to grasp....at least it was for this girl.  And now I do.

I gave my life to Christ on December 13th, 2009.  And there is so much that God continues to teach me every single day.  What I have learned overall is that His Will isn't for me to fulfill some specific goal while I am here on this earth rather, it is to be more and more like Him.

My father passed away this past August.  It was that same week that I experienced a loss of a significant relationship in my life.  And I had a bit of relapse via my health condition.  So, tremendous & rather traumatic loss all at once. The process of healing through all of this at once has been admittedly overwhelming and yet, cathartic. I cannot verbalize the grief. And I cannot really verbalize appropriately how Christ is transforming me.  It feels a bit like a miracle....a real true miracle that has been in the works by Him for quite some time.

There is always beauty in loss when we seek Him.  There is beauty in the breakdown of fear - pain - sadness- only when we seek Him. And what was so bewildering to me, was that God started to really speak into my heart about the meaning of the Holy Spirit actually residing within me.  And I desired to immediately honor him in brand new ways - by honoring myself - my body - what I speak about - who I speak to - how I spend my time - setting His boundaries with others - realizing that boundaries are love and can be set in loving ways  - how I discern His truth - how I live my life - how I forgive - and how I repent my own sin- etc.

I started eating immediately healthier every single day (Saturdays are my splurge day) b/c I wanted to love and nourish my body with nutritious foods.  Green juices daily, fruits, tons of organic veggies, hearty stews, less sugar, more unprocessed foods, etc. I realized that feeding my body processed foods is not loving myself at all.

I started to speak lovingly and kindly to myself about the process of healing through loss. I started to see the beauty in this intimate relationship I have with the Creator of the Universe - who shepherds me and wants the absolute best for me. Life started to change.

I began speaking on the phone a lot less and spending that time in prayer or in bettering my health.  I cut down on Facebook from hours a day to about 15-20 minutes a day only a couple days per week (vs. every single day).  I read voraciously through The Bible.  I started to think and pray before I speak (I typically have foot in mouth syndrome). I am transforming.

As a result of loving myself more then ever and honoring God at the same time, weight started coming off with no effort.  After years of struggle, weight continues to just come off! My skin is in the best shape it's ever been in.  I began to feel more calm in my spirit.  I stopped listening to gossip. I stopped entertaining anything negative from others and myself. Yes, I am in the thick of grief but I feel better about 'me' then I ever have in my life. 

The changes in my life are coming through my obeying Him.  Yes, I still make mistakes - I still eat poorly (on Saturdays) and well, it's not really about perfecting myself anymore and that's part of the transformation.  It's about loving myself even MORE because He loves me, I love Him and my body is not my own.

It's not a formula that anyone can necessarily follow by my example. It's your own call from God....more than a nudge or a perspective shift but a call that you won't be able to ignore.  It's about a true adoring relationship with Christ. It's a love of contentment like never before.

I feel like a different version of myself after enduring so much loss.  I feel I am the best version of myself. And I am so grateful to God for it because He is the one who revived me.