The Power of The Other by Dr. Henry Cloud is such a necessary education about the power that others have 'in' our life both in the workplace - in leadership - and at home. And the power we have in theirs. It's a fascinating account about our connections and whether or not we will flourish or flounder in every single relationship in each of our lives. The best part? He gives you a detailed map of what to do about every relationship.

Dr. Cloud breaks this down into four basic relationships that he refers to as Corner 1, 2, 3 & 4. Every single relationship in your life whether that be personal or professional will fall into one of the 4 categories. He simplifies the complexities of relationships just brilliantly. And provides a science supported documentary in writing (that's what it feels like when you read it) of connections.

What I appreciated most about the book was the level of clarity that I had as I learned about each 'Corner Relationship'. I was able to quickly discern which 'corner' each of my relationships fell into and why. And then Dr. Cloud provides the tools to advance those relationships to the healthiest of the four which is a Corner Four Relationship. You need to read the book to find out what each relationship entails. But he provides every single ingredient and tool to make sure that your relational life is thriving and healthy both in your career and your personal life.

Here is an excerpt about the book that I thought summed it up well:Popular wisdom suggests that we should not allow others to have power over us, but the reality is that they do, for better or for worse. Consider the boss who diminishes you through cutting remarks versus one who challenges you to get better. Or the colleague who always seeks the limelight versus the one who gives you the confidence to finish a difficult project. Or the spouse who is honest and supportive versus the one who resents your success. No matter how talented, intelligent, or experienced, the greatest leaders share one commonality: the power of the others in their lives.

Combining engaging case studies, persuasive findings from cutting-edge brain research, and examples from his consulting practice, Dr. Cloud argues that whether you’re a Navy SEAL or a corporate executive, outstanding performance depends on having the right kind of connections to fuel personal growth and minimize toxic associations and their effects. Presenting a dynamic model of the impact these different kinds of connections produce, Dr. Cloud shows readers how to get more from themselves by drawing on the strength and expertise of others. You don’t have a choice whether or not others have power in your life, but you can choose what kinds of relationships you want.

The Power of The Other launches NEXT WEEK! What I thought would be impactful for all of the SW Readers is if those of you who purchase the book, we will break down the chapters here on SW....together. And we can create a community forum to discuss it.

Who should buy this book? Everyone. Truly. While he focuses on leadership in all areas of life, this book is also for the housewife - the student - caregiver - wife - husband  - friend - etc. This book is truly for all of us. And I personally feel that every leader in any organization should be devouring Dr. Cloud's gathered wisdom.

Please head over to his site (links all over this blog), purchase the book and let's meet back here in about a week to discuss!

Chat with you all soon!

Everything's changing and I don't feel the same - Keane

Do any of you remember that song? I don't relate to the overall message of the song per say but, this lyric resonates.... 'Everything's changing and I don't feel the same'.  Anyone else?

When you don't feel the same about anything in your life, there is an adjustment period that is critical to 'wade' through. Let's talk about it.

Some people believe we are always changing - continuously evolving but, I disagree. I think - through many seasons - many people stay relatively the same.  I think many of us think we are changing because our communication leads us to believe we are. We convince ourselves of it.  I know b/c I have done it plenty along the way so no judgement.....simply observation. I used to try to talk myself into change or think I could convince others I have changed...with my words. And internally I was so tied in knots because there were seasons I wasn't changing at all.

But change is change. Change is different communication - behaviors - actions - reactions - etc. And I can chat with you today, looking back at my life and see that - overall - I have changed rather drastically. I do not feel the same. I am not showing up the same way as I used to. I don't think the same way. And I don't live my life the same way.

And then........ the entire process takes place again.

I am standing at that starting line again, preparing to train for my next race ahead. It can feel daunting in the moment but, worth it when you cross over to the other side.

I attribute true transformation to both faith & tremendous practice which lead to new habits - a new outlook - new perspective - new everything.

What people don't chat about but, I want to explore with you just for a moment is what happens when you do change.  It can be a strange transition to swim ahead toward the unknown....... when you venture off from pretty much everything you knew.

 I hope all of you can relate b/c that would signify you are growing as individuals.

You change. Those around you keep relating to you the same way. But you have grown - you've evolved - you have a new way of living life. You cannot relate to many the same way because you don't even think the same way. And those that love you try to tell you who you are. You're growth makes them uncomfortable. They attempt to pull you back because by you changing, it makes them uncomfortable not only in their relationship with you but, in their own life. It's a fact that accompanies change.

You cannot have change without the accompaniment of loss and newness.

Let's use the analogy of food since we all can relate to that:  You & four friends met every week for years to eat processed grub. It was your 'girls or guys night out' and you devour fried foods & wine at the bar week after week...for years. It's what you do with your time together. And you decide that this isn't really serving you anymore. So you replace the alcohol with water w/ lemon & the processed garbage with organic healthy food. This inevitably makes these other four uncomfortable. It's not as fun for any of you b/c you have thrown a curve into the tradition - the habit - the way you all used food & wine to relate to one another. 

Are you following me? In this analogy, they will most likely try to bring you back to that place 'Oh come on Seth, it's one night, just eat the pizza & a few glasses of wine....come on'. And you would rather join others who are committed to a healthy lifestyle. And if you show up to that same get together ordering a salad, they feel uncomfortable.

Now keeping that basic analogy in mind.....

Picture you're entire life changing....not just a social outing with friends. You're entire life. Profound. Drastic. Whiplash.

There is a period where even you want to go backwards because it's comfortable. It's what you know. It's how you relate. It's what you do with your time. It's who you spend your time with.

And we usually do go back....and forth....like a teeter totter (which as you know goes nowhere but up & down) between what we know and 'almost there'. And we can live in the muddy waters of 'almost there & comfort' our entire lives. Don't waste your time doing that anymore. Please. Truly. 

This I know.....

Letting go is certainly not for the faint of heart. But we seem to forget that when we let go, we embrace something NEW. And that NEW 'whatever it is we are embracing' is fruit bearing. It's better for us. It's healthy. And if it proves  not to be.....it's a stepping stone to the next evolution of self.

I don't know the answers for how get to the other side of 'change' or healing for any of you. So many of you ask me weekly and I wouldn't dare give you a canned response. It's vastly different for each of us.

But for me, the only way through and out the other side is with God.  And focusing on what God says about life - who God says I am - and what God wants me to do each day.  I try - I fail - I dust myself off - I try again - I fail - I succeed - I thrive - I fail - I dust myself off - onward.. And eventually, you look around and realize you actually are standing someplace entirely different....someplace foreign.....someplace new.

I hope you are all tired of being stuck in the same 'loop' of whatever it is you are trying to change. I hope you are so exhausted that you finally leave it behind. Just let go. And you finally move forward.

It's as if people trap themselves in their own cage when the door to the cage is swinging wide open for them to walk through.

So, walk on.